Monday, February 4, 2008
Yo. Chinese New Year is coming yo! Everybody Dance Now!!! Haha:) I know I'm lame.
Valentine's Day also coming soon huh:) I don't know why arh.. but i just feel like saying "I Love You!!!" to someone.. I don't think i should name her in my blog ah.. but last year valentine's day she was waiting and waiting.. Until at last she couldn't wait anymore.. She sms-ed me " Oi why i wait and wait but you never say anything? Today valentine's day leh!!" It was somewhat like that. at least the meaning is like that. but i don't remember it in exact words.. and i don't have that message in my inbox anymore.. It was valentine's day.. But i didn't take the initiative in speaking. NOT speaking. sms-ing only.. Maybe this year i should?
Many of you out there thinks i'm despo and flirtatous (if that's how you spell that word or use it) lorh.. Actually arh, i mean seriously arh, i'm very shy one lorh.. especially in front of girls. i mean when girls are present. i don't even have the courage to walk up to a girl and say "hi" lorh. Esther can prove it. I saw her many times in moelc ready lorh. (but she doesn't know larh. because she doesn't know how i look like. so she doesn't know it's me.) I could have walked up to her and say "hi" but i didn't have the courage to. it's not that i'm afraid that she'll eat me up or anything arh... The point is: I'm a very shy boy. Understand? (and i know i've used a lot of "lorh"s in this paragraph ready lorh. but pardon me arh. my vocabulary is limited.) actually it hurts ah. i mean, like, everyone of you starts calling me a flirt suddenly arh. seriously it hurts me a lot man.
and she left me.. because she thought i would be going around flirting with any pretty girls i see.. she will know that i'm talking about her if she reads this blog. i believe many other people will know who is the "she" too. she was my closest friend. more than a friend. she was my love. still is. will forever be. everbody can doubt me. because i dont give a fuck about what they say about me. all i care about is what she thinks of me. but she chose to believe that i'm a flirt and will one day leave her for some other girl. then she decided to take the first step.
enough for the painful memories.. i don't know whether it painsher to hurt me.. or to leave me.. but still, let's us stop here. i refuse to let my emotions take over.. like the way it did on the 23th of january 2008. god knows what happened on that day. i almost cried out in class during oral communication man..
very late ready. i dont think i should carry on. because if i did, i seriously doubt i can control my emotions.. i don't wanna burst into tears in front of my parents lorh.. will be damn embarrasing. then they will start counselling me.. saying that i shouldn't have gotten into a realtionship at such a tender age of 12.
but though i was hurt from this love, i've never regretted it. because whatever it was, whatever we went through together, they all will be kept in the smallest corner of my heart. they are beautiful memories.. she entered my heart. she left. didn't close the door. and the contents were left to spill out of that gap. until my heart is immune. to the pain. you can't break a girl who's already broken. likewise, you can't break a boy who's already broken. but she was the only one who was able to leave footprints in my heart. little, cute and beautiful footprints.. my door will always be open for her.
miss heartbroken, I LOVE YOU.
Ng Guan Yi at 11:32 PM